


Light and dark

by gonattsaga



Category: Murder by Numbers (2002)
Genre: Angst light, Internal Monologue, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-02-02
Updated: 2006-02-02
Packaged: 2017-11-21 05:40:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/594083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gonattsaga/pseuds/gonattsaga
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I remember having heard that it’s always darkest just before sunrise, which is completely ridiculous and technically untrue. And anyway, I might have darkness inside me and this situation we've landed ourselves in is getting darker by the hour, but Richard Haywood, he's nothing if not bright, in both senses of the word.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Light and dark

**Author's Note:**

> Formerly known as "The beginning of a bitter end" when posted on LJ back in 2006, slightly edited before being posted here in AO3 2012-12-16

“Where’re you going?” he calls after my retreating back, but I don’t turn around and I don't stop. Then:

“God damn it, Justin! You cheated on me first!”

All that anger and irrevocable heartbreak in his voice, it makes my steps falter. But although I pause, I still don’t turn around. He's right, of course he's right. But that doesn't change where we are now. Silence stretches out, I soak it up. For some reason I imagine my heart exploding, all over the inner walls of my ribcage, blood going haywire for a split second, then fading away inside the withering cobweb of veins around my bones, organs, feelings - all of them dying, a dull throbbing pain connecting them.

I remember having heard that it’s always darkest just before sunrise, which is completely ridiculous and technically untrue. And anyway, I might have darkness inside me and this situation we've landed ourselves in is getting darker by the hour, but Richard Haywood, he's nothing if not bright, in both senses of the word. Even now, I know he's broken, I can't see or hear even hear him but I still know that his cocky posture had completely collapsed in on itself and that he's lost and confused and maybe even crying, and still it actually warms my back to have him standing behind me, like he's a miniature fucking sun, shining just for me. How stupid is this... 

I still don't turn around, I don't go back. I feel a pull in my belly that tells me I should, but I really can't. There’s nowhere to go but forward, because the past is immune to change but the future hasn't even been shaped yet, so that’s all we’ve got. I’m just a little afraid, but I have to keep going. I set this into motion, now I have to see it through. Just a little bit further, and then this will all be over.

 

The end.


End file.
